So, it's been several days since my last post. Originally my goal was to post something daily on what I got from spending time in God's word. But that has been a little much for me. I have started reading Daniel, as recommended by my husband and a good friend. The old testament has always been more difficult for me to read and understand, but I will try to get through it. 
     I have read so far Daniel 1 and 2, though there is no verse that sticks out to me, Daniels actions have. It seems that before anything he has done, he has spoken to God first. He also put God first in His actions, by respecting and honoring Him.
     Am I like this? Do I honor and respect Him with my actions? Do I go to Him first with every decision I have to make? Well the answer is no. The truth is...I take advantage of Him. I know His is always there. So what difference does it make in my actions, I know even though I act poorly and sin, He will always love me and always be there for me.
     What an ugly person I have become. Forgive me Lord, for not honoring and respecting you. For not coming to you with every decision in my life, no matter if it is big or small. Forgive me for thinking I always have the right answer to all my life's issues.
     To make it worse I just made a huge decision without going to God first. Lord forgive me, I pray that the decision Collin and I have recently made is the one you have desired for us. Thank you Lord for hearing my prayers Lord.

Lamentations 3:31-32(NASB)
     "For the Lord will not reject forever, For if He causes grief, then He will have compassion according to His abundant lovingkindness."


     I never knew God causes grief. I thought He just allows bad things to happen, not cause them. Why? He is our Father and we are His children. If He has lovingkindness, why would he cause grief towards His children? Do I cause grief toward Trinity? 
     I have dealt with a lot of grief lately. The loss of my unborn child is a grief I would not wish upon anyone. I feel grief is a side effect to an event that occurs, how my response is. So God caused my miscarriage knowing the grief it would bring on me. Where is his compassion? He knows the pain of loosing a child, why would He have us feel that horrible pain? These are questions I may never get answers to, which in itself is very frustrating.
     When He causes grief, where is this abundant lovingkindness? Well I have come to the conclusion that just as I teach Trinity, she doesn't always like the lesson to be taught, but it is from my lovingkindness that I have for her, that I teach her these life's lessons. In turn, it may cause her grief. I feel this verse is a little misleading, but if you view it as a Father/child relationship, it makes much more sense.
     My mom use to tell me, after I got in trouble, "it hurts me more then it hurts you." As a parent, I can totally get behind that now. So all the grief I endure, my Father in heaven endures it even more.

     Please keep in mind this is new to me, so there may be a few glitches here and there. I'm hoping overtime it will be easier for me and you. 

     Well, welcome to my blog page. Many maybe asking why I have a blog page, I have been asking myself that question. The only answer I can come up with is....it's all Gods idea. I have been struggling for some time now with my relationship, or there lack of, with God. I love Him, I know He is there, but I have to desire to make an effort to have a stronger relationship with Him. I am a lukewarm Christian and I hate it. It makes me sad and I feel lost.  I know what I need to do, yet I continually fail to do it. I don't read His word, I hardly pray anymore, and going to church is a struggle. I seem to sin more and more, with my actions and my thoughts.
     A while ago, a good co-worker showed me her blog page. She blogs her thoughts for her class at her church. Ever since then it has been sitting in the back of my mind..."What if I do a blog page to encourage myself and get me motivated to spend more time building my relationship with Christ, and get accountability and encouragement from those I share it with."
     So, here I am, taking the plunge, hoping to get back on path to building a strong relationship with our Lord. I have titled my blog page "The straight path", from the passage Proverbs 3:5-6  "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." I feel I have lost my path due to the many difficult times I have encountered lately and it holds a place in my heart from when I had some hard times in the beginning of my walk. It was brought to my attention by my pastor....I seem to always come back to it.

     I'm very scared to do this blog, but even more scared of loosing my relationship with God all together. So, my friends and loved ones, I call out to you. Please help me through this mission, read my blogs, comment on them, encourage me, hold me accountable, and most of all please pray for me.

     Thank you, Jessica